it’s the loneliest feeling in the world; to find
yourself standing up when everyone else is
sitting down. to have everyone look at youu and
say, “what’s wrong with her?” I know what it
feels like. walking down an empty street,
listening to the sound of your own footsteps.
shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked
against youu. and you aren’t sure whether
you’re walking toward something, or if
youu’re just walking away.

Wow ;; It's almost been a year since I updated this.
Sorry .. life got in the way.

If anyone still reads this .. here are a few quotes !

knowing is better than wondering,
waking is better than sleeping,
and even the biggest failure,
beats the hell out of never trying
-greys anatomy <3

Imperfection is beauty.  Madness is genius.
And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than
absolutely boring. And when it comes down to
 it, I let them think what they want.  If they care
enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already
better than them.
- marilyn monroe

we're friends. real friends. & that means
no matter how long it takes when you
finally do decide to look back, i'll still be there
- Grey's Anatomy

Sorry Guys. I know it's been a long time since I`ve updated, but I`ve literally had no time at all to do anything! Thanks for all the comments & subscribers!

Here are qoutes!!

I went forever without a boyfriend because i was
scared of getting hurt. then you came along and i
fell head over heels.. thinking you wouldn't hurt
me because you promised the world. we were  *
perfect. then everything just fell apart. all because
of that one girl..

i`m friends with a lot of guys. i have girlfriends, too, but for the
most part, i`m friends with guys, because girls are kind of backstabbing.
`+ paris_hilton<3

there`s only so much heart in a girl to break.
.. & you my dear, are exceeding the limit..

The makeup runs from her eyes and spills
the truth about how she feels inside. ___*

drama is a situation girls create
themselves based on jealousy *

life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things
have changed. who you`ve lost along the way & about
how much of this was your fault..

You're one of those best things that has ever happened to me.  You're my love & my best friend.  everyday that goes by, it seems like i discover something new about you to love. it's incredible to me how one person can make such a big difference in my life. you touch me in a way no one else ever has & give me so many new reasons to smile. i`ve never been so happy & i`ve never been so much in love.<3

the summer love never came..
but i can always hope for a winter romance.<3

my life reads like the classifieds.
pages of what's for sale. what's on the auction block.
attention bidders.  it's lot 45.  he's got a decent voice
and he's got that crooked smile. but hold on! you   *
haven't heard the best yet! he writes great storylines'
and he's got those innocent looking eyes.  you can<3
take him home for just $9.95. he'll sing the songs    u
like. he'll keep you warm at night..

THE GREATEST iRONY OF LOVE ;
loving the right person at the wrong time.
having the wrong person when the time is right.
and finding out you love someone right after
that person walks out of your life..

math notes:
me + you = ©

LETTER T0 M0MMY

my mommy found me in my room on the floor. before I did this I put my ‘don’t disturb’ sign on my door but now as she looks at me with blood flowing from my wrist. she picks up a note that reads something like this:

Mom, I know I never told youu. never showed it in my face but i`ll tell youu now, my life was a disgrace. I never planned a future `cus I knew my life would end & now as I write this, youu were my only friend. I never meant to hurt youu, I never meant to break your heart just keep on living and we`ll never be apart. tell daddy that I love him. tell sis and brother to be brave & promise me this on my birthday, ever year put a rose on my grave. I love youu mommy, very much and when the others cry, tell them I hated them all. each cut will tell them why I must go now mommy death is calling my name. and when youu see me dead mommy, don`t put on yourself the blame. i`m picking up the knife right now mommy these tears for youu I cry I just made the first cut mommy, I guess now i`ll say goodbye.

CAN i GET YOUR PiCTURE? i
COLLECT NATURAL DiSASTERS.

if you're gonna talk about me, you
could at least make it interesting..

-----     [amor vincit omnia]
love conquers everything

I'm often silent when I'm
__ screaming inside </3

all i wanted to do today was
collapse in someones arms..
& cry, but there wasn't anyone
there to catch me..

i don't forgive people because i`m weak. i forgive
them because i`m strong enough to understand
that everyone makes mistakes.

-628-

I am so sorry, for the lack of updates.
I`m just really busy right now.
School. CrossCountry. DrivingSchool. Etc.
So I`ll update, asap.

THANKS GUYS FOR ALL THE AWESOME COMMENTS !!
Well , Sorry it took so long to update , but I am now so  !!

| relationships | prom | grades | friends |
| peers | boys | girls | popularity |
it`s all overrated. the day you graduate from highschool,
youu won't care a thing about it.

* we go to school for thirteen years && the one
thing they never teach us is how to say goodbye.

i think i noticed when things started to change. the hugs were quicker, the phone calls shorter, and they weren`t everynight. we didn`t hurry to the place where we said we`d meet. the "i love you's" felt more like a forced routine, and really had no meaning. when we saw eachother, the smiles weren`t as bright or as big. our thoughts weren`t only of eachother. we seemed uninterested. we felt unloved. we had too many doubts. </3

the best kind of kiss is the un-expected unplanned
ones that come naturally. like, in the middle of a
sentence.. *

please; don`t compare me. it`s just a way of making
me feel more horrible about myself..

i chased && chased; but i was too slow.
i cried && cried; but the tears weren't worth it.
i smiled && smiled; but you never smiled back.
i loved && loved; but you never loved me back.
i`m tired now. i want to move on, but i can`t.
because it`s you that i can`t have.. && it`s
killing me on the inside.

so just kiss me and let my hair mess itself in your fingers. let me steady myself in the arms of a man who won`t ask me to be what he needs, but let`s me exist as i am.

your perfect little girl dropped a grade on her report card.
your perfect little girl yelled at you last night.
your perfect little girl talked back to you again.
your perfect little girl painted her nails black.
your perfect little girl lied to you all her life.
your perfect little girl cries herself to sleep.
your perfect little girl slits her wrists until she bleeds.
your perfect little girl dated before she was 16.
your perfect little girl was broken by a boy.
your perfect little girl doesn`t want to go to church.
your perfect little girl hates you.
your perfect little girl has given up on life.
your perfect little girl had a tantrum today.
your perfect little girl wants to run away.
your perfect little girl has no real friends.
your perfect little girl thinks she`s overweight.
your perfect little girl hasn`t let you dry her tears.
your perfect little girl disobeys you.
your perfect little girl hates the world.
your perfect little girl is hated by the world.
your perfect little girl says bad things about you.
your perfect little girl is very un-happy.
your perfect little girl has tried to commit suicide.
your perfect little girl has become a disgrace.
but at the end of the day, she`s still your perfect little girl .

we laughed, we cried, and all the while we felt so alive.
it was you and me; you grabbed my hand && made me
see what it could feel like.. && what it might be like.. <3
you wrote my name in the sand; in this endless summer
we`ll be together and i don`t want this feeling to ever *'
end. looking back in november, feel the sun && remem-
ber.. that when our time has finally come to pass, some
things last, somethings always last. save goodbye. keep
it frozen in december. i need the high, to get me through
the ever after. cause now that it feels like it`s far from ---
what it was like when you wrote our names in the sand'
in this endless summer..

i live in a place where a majority of the people get high ;;
the grades get low ;; && if someone has a secret,
everyone knows.

here`s to the nights that turned into mornings <3
and to the friends that turned into family. <3

i want to be someones last call of the night && their first thought in the morning. i want those 5 hour conversations that end in "no.. you hang up first". i want the heart racing, palm sweaty, 'what`s gonna happen next' moments. i want the hugs that you never want to let go of && the stolen kisses that are always the sweetest. but most importantly, i just want to know someone considers me theirs..

i`m not the girl i used to be;
gotta admit.. alot of shit got to me..

&& he said:
you`re cynical and beautiful.
you always make a scene.
you`re monochrome delirious.
you`re nothing that you seem.
i`m drowning in your vanity..
your laugh is a disease.
you`re dirty && you`re sweet.
you know you`re everything to me.
& i want to tear down at  your defences..
til there`s nothing there but me..
you`re beautiful when you`re angry..
your love is such a tease.
i`m drowning in your dizzy noise.
i wanna feel youu scream. <3

ALL SHE WANTS TO BE iS BEAUTiFUL..
she`s gorgeous. she`s beautiful. she stares in the mirror
and hates what she sees. she spends hours in the morning
fixing her hair, putting on make-up, && still hating her
reflection. she exercises five hours a day, starves herself
skinny, makes herself throw up at night. she goes in
depression. starts cutting herself. she spends thousands to
go under the knife to change the beauty she already had.
she`s beautiful. anyone can see it; except her. why can`t
she just learn to love herself instead of putting herself
through all this agony? she`s never good enough for
herself. doesn`t see what the point of her living is. life
is hopeless for her. she gets an overdose && feels the
rush of death.
.. ANOTHER WASTED LiFE. </3

-534-